Support

When I found out I had cancer, they gave me a huge book.  Huge.  It's 243 pages (not including a bunch of random pages at the end of the book...an appendix I'll call it - to keep records) and it's not normal "book size."  It's a BIG book.  I also got mounds of paperwork to read through and fill out - about 25 pages in all.

My husband was given a tri-fold brochure.  One 8.5 X 11 piece of paper folded into thirds.  About supporting your loved one in this difficult time.  That's it.  I see some inequity here.  I was so annoyed by this that I made him carry the huge book to the car.

In the information I was given, there is a list of support groups.  There is a support group for people who have or have had breast cancer.  I just don't know if this is for me.  First of all, I'm just not a "joiner."  I've dropped out of so many groups that I've lost count.  I made it through about 4 months of a mommy group.  The longest I've ever endured Weight Watchers was about 8 months and I think that may have been my "group" record.  I don't want to have a weekly date to meet with a group.  I find it kind of boring and tedious.

Plus, a breast cancer group - I'm pretty sure it's not okay to sit there and stare at everyone's boobs.  And, let's face it, that's what I'd be doing.  I'd just be thinking about boobs the whole time and I'd be too concerned about being on my best behavior to concentrate.  I don't do well when I'm supposed to behave myself.

My mother suggested that maybe I'd think about seeing a psychiatrist instead - to talk about my feelings and about how I'm dealing with all of this.  It's a good suggestion.  But, then, if it's just me sitting there talking about breast cancer, won't the psychiatrist be sitting there thinking about and trying to not stare at MY boobs?!

(Boob Count = 22)