Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Being Noticed

Double Chocolate Chip
Frappuccino - YUM
Today it happened - finally.  The moment I've been anxiously awaiting  since I shaved my head.  The moment when a stranger came up to me and asked me about it.

At Starbucks this morning (I told you I spend a lot of time there...) a woman pointed to my head (wrapped in a scarf) and asked, "How are you DOING?"

I told her I was fine, I had finished chemo and was just waiting for the hair to grow back.  She told me she had ovarian cancer 4 years ago and also lost her hair during chemo but she's fine now.  I gave her a big hug.  She was such a nice lady.  We didn't talk long, my drinks were ready and I had my 10 year old daughter with me on the way to school...

I didn't mind at all that she was nosy/curious about it.  I don't mind telling my story and, maybe, I secretly like the attention.  I thought more people would be asking me about "my" cancer - but she's the first and it's been nearly 3 months of being hairless.  3 months since someone would be able to TELL that I have cancer (or HAD cancer).

I get a lot of sympathetic looks and big smiles and strangers saying HELLO and obviously looking as though they want to say more but don't.  I don't think I'm scary to talk to, I don't think I'm giving off a "Don't talk to me" vibe - but I suspect that most people don't know WHAT to say.  And that's okay.

I didn't think I would feel comfortable with so obviously looking like I HAVE cancer.  But, I really haven't minded it too much and I would venture to say that it's made people be a little kinder to me.  I don't think a clerk or anyone has been rude to me since.  People seem to be a lot friendlier and maybe when they see me, they are reminded that maybe their bad mood isn't really all that important.

Or maybe I just spread joy everywhere I go - that's possible too.