Boob's Day Out

As I make the phone calls today to schedule the mastectomy, I've been thinking about ways to honor my boobs for their years of service.  Because, even though they gave me cancer (Boo!), they have served me well for nearly 30 years.

The Boobs in their Heyday - 1999

I remember their first appearances at the age of 13 or so, I wasn't too thrilled to see them.  And they quickly garnered way more attention from boys than I wanted. I also had to start wearing a bra and, let's face it, those pretty much suck.  So, I definitely didn't appreciate them right away.  Soon after is when a lump was discovered in my right breast and had to be removed (benign).  My first surgery - I was convinced I'd been cursed!

As years went by though, I began to get more used to the boobs - and maybe even appreciate them.  I'm tall and having big boobs made for a pretty good figure!  Despite always thinking I was fat (bhaahahahahahaha!), I still thought I had pretty great boobs.  But, really, I never REALLY appreciated them. I never did anything cool with them. They never got to go to a nude beach, experience a wet t-shirt contest or topless modeling. They never got to flash someone for beads at Mardi Gras. They never got to ride a bike without a shirt and experience the wind in their face...uh...face?  Well, you know what I mean. Boo for having high morals!  Hmph!

As we near the end of their days on earth, I've been trying to think of a way to really honor them for their service.  I wish I could take them to Disneyland or something.  I think they would like that!  Or experience weightlessness in space!  They would appreciate that I bet!  I imagine they would have liked sky-diving or bungee jumping too.  Alas, it's too late now.

Since society really frowns upon boobs having a day out - I'll have to honor them privately.  Maybe the three of us will take a bath (me and the two boobs).  Perhaps I'll watch TV more naked.  I'll find something to make sure they enjoy their last days.

In light of this, you should probably call before you come over...

Boob Count = 52