Chemo? Yes, Please!

I want chemo.  I really do.  Bring it on!  It's not because I would like to buy some cute hats or learn how to tie a kerchief on my head.  It's not because I think I'm going to rock the bald head look (I'm not - trust me on this - I'm pretty confident that I have a really ugly head).  It's not because I think I'll finally look good in hats - I won't. It's not because hats will maybe finally fit my big old noggin when I don't have hair...it's doubtful.

It's because I want this cancer GONE GONE GONE!  I want to be as aggressive as I possibly can.  I want to do everything I can to make sure that I don't have any more cancer lingering in my body.  I'm willing to put myself through the torture of more needles, of being sick, of being exhausted, of losing my hair...just get rid of the cancer.

I'm told that after surgery, the pathology reports will tell the true story of whether or not I'll need chemo.  At that point, they'll know the size and exactly how invasive the tumors are.  We know from the MRI that one tumor is under 1 cm and the other is 17-18 mm -- 20 mm is 2 cm.  The oncologist says that MRI measurements are usually a bit smaller (we are talking mm here) than the actual tumor and if it's 2 cm or more, then chemo is for sure.  Also, the pathology of the tumor will tell a lot.  They take all this information and put it into a computer and the computer decides if you need chemo or not.  The computer gives percentages.  So it might say that I'll only benefit from chemo 2% or it might say I'll get a 20% benefit.  I'm so hoping that the percentages are clear - that it's a for sure for chemo.

I'm not too thrilled with putting my fate in the "hands" of a computer.  I find computers to be a little sketchy at best.  They kind of have a mind of their own.  What if my computer is like that crazy computer in that 80's movie where the computer falls in love with the girl and tries to ruin the guy's life?  That would be just my luck - to get a computer that doesn't like me.

Anyway, I suspect that WANTING chemo may be crazy thinking.  Who WANTS to torture themselves with chemo?!  A cancer patient, that's who!  Because when you have cancer one place in your body (or two places in 5 months like me!), you want to do everything you can to make sure that's it's nowhere else!  Chemo seems like a good idea under the circumstances.

I wonder if they have special hat stores for big-headed bald people?