Doing the Taxes

My 10 year old daughter reads everything I write.  She also listens to every single thing me or my husband say.  She's nosey and curious.  Because of that, sometimes it's necessary to talk in "code" and, now, write in code.  So, for the purposes of this topic, we are going to refer to that thing that men and women (or men and men or women and women - whatever) do together in private (hopefully) in the "bedroom" (usually) as "Doing the Taxes."

My husband and I haven't done our taxes for quite a while now.  In fact, if this were really about "taxes," we'd be up for an audit and one of us would be headed to prison!  Thankfully, you can't be sent to prison for neglecting these "taxes."

First there was the shock of having breast cancer.  And then the fact that you could feel the lump in my breast - that was just creepy and I didn't really feel like having anyone touch me in a "doing the taxes" type of way.  Sure, I offered the opportunity to feel the lump to several people (people I know well, not any strangers on the street or anything); but that was more of an educational thing.  "Feel this, so YOU know what to look for..."  No one took me up on the offer of feeling me up - except my husband, but I MADE him feel it so he doesn't count.  I'm pretty sure my friends that I offered this experience of "feeling the lump" to thought I'd lost my marbles.  I really was trying to be helpful not just get felt up!  Really!  Why do you look suspicious?

Anyway, having the lump THERE didn't make me feel in a doing the taxes kind of mood.  I was so distraught and upset and nervous that taxes were the last thing on my mind.  We meant to "do the taxes" one more time before the mastectomy.  You know, just for fun - one last goodbye.  We talked about it.  But, we didn't seem to get around to it.  (The fact that our 7 year old is camped out in his sleeping bag on our bedroom floor most nights doesn't help!)

And then I had the mastectomy.  I had to recover from that.  And then, I didn't have breasts anymore.  And there was the maintenance of having to deal with the open wound daily which my husband took care of.  Certainly not something that could be considered foreplay.

And now, the chemo.  I don't feel well many days.  I certainly am not thinking about doing taxes, that's for sure.  I have no breasts, no hair and I'm sick to my stomach a lot.  I couldn't care less about taxes!  And I definitely do not FEEL sexy.  I feel like a mutant when it comes to talking about taxes.  I don't think much about my body these days because I feel pretty normal when I'm dressed.  But undressed is a different issue.  My husband has seen my body nearly everyday, he knows what I look like now.  But, I just feel so "wrong."  Also, there's nothing to DO up top now.  How boring.  Definitely not an ideal tax environment.

Plus, I'm terrified of getting pregnant.  TERRIFIED!  I'm no longer allowed to take anything that would prevent us from creating a "deduction" and I'm allergic to latex.  I don't have many options.

So, when you add this all up, it hasn't been a good tax year for us.  We are way overdue.  It's a good thing we aren't talking about actual taxes here or we would have to mortgage the house to pay the fees.  I'd probably have to start selling my tax skills on the street corners to pay for it!

I know that someday again, I'll be actually WANTING to do the taxes.  I'll be thrilled at the thought of it. But, for now, we definitely need to file an extension to get us through these few rough months.  Thankfully, my husband is very understanding and patient and there's no chance of him hiring a professional to help him with the taxes in the meantime.  *whew*