|Hair Coming Out|
Last night I washed it (for the last time, no doubt) and it was excruciating. My scalp is so tender. I definitely don't want to do that again. But, I washed it because I thought that might perk it up a bit and give me a few more days.
Then this morning I tried to brush it and make it into something sort of stylish looking. Besides being extremely painful to even brush, styling is just not working. My hair has thinned enough that it just lays flat (what's left of it) and any hair that I tried to make cooperate just fell out. Imagine trying to "control" an out of control clump of hair only to have it come out in your hand! This, of course, gave me an idea and I spent about 5 minutes picking out gray hairs - if these are going to be my last hours with hair, I should be gray-free!
I don't know why I'm even trying to prolong the inevitable at this point - really, it's kind of silly. But, now that it's here, now that my hair really is falling out - now that I told my husband he could shave my head tonight... I'm kind of chickening out.
I don't wanna do this anymore! I don't wanna have cancer! I don't wanna wear my cute hats! Cancer was fun but I gotta go - thanks anyway!
I think, in the back of my mind, I still held out a little hope that maybe, must maybe, it wouldn't fall out! I mean, I do lots of weird things - maybe I'd be like the .00001% of people that don't lose their hair (percentage totally made up). It could happen, I surmised!
Alas, it did not happen. It's falling out. And as much fun as I've had pulling it out in clumps over the past couple of days - my fun is over. And reality sets in. The reality is that I had huge clumps of hair on my pillow this morning. The reality is that I'm finding hair all over the house and all over myself. Ick.
And, sadly, the reality is that I'm a cancer patient and now I'll look like one, whether I want to or not.
Hair Status: In Serious Jeopardy! And, thanks to my friend, Karen, I figured out that my eyebrows are falling out too. Thanks A LOT Karen! Geez!