Tuesday, August 30, 2011

"I Wish My Mom Didn't Have Breast Cancer!"

is what my 7 year old son said to me yesterday.  I tried to not be too sarcastic when I said, "ME TOO!"  But, I guess having a Mom with breast cancer does put a crimp in the life of a 7 year old.  It's no fun.

It's been 6 days since chemo and 7 days since port surgery and, let me assure you, there is not a lot of summer fun happening in our household right now.  I have been in survival mode the last 7 days.  I lay around trying not to throw up and sleeping away time as much as possible.  I'm not going to win any Mother of the Year Awards at this rate to be sure.

After his remark about wishing I didn't have cancer he then told me he thinks I sleep too much.  I apologized and told him it was the drugs. My daughter who is 10 (and much more sympathetic to my plight) then put him in his place by saying, "Ya!  It's the DRUGS you KNOW! Geez!"  Insert heavy eye-roll here.

I do sleep a lot.  It's the only time I can ignore what is happening to me because every day brings a new annoying/troublesome symptom.  Today's surprise was (beware TMI) diarrhea.  Oh Joy!  I suspected it was coming and, actually, I went without it longer than I was expecting.  I once read about an animal that doesn't have a stomach so it eats and then poops immediately after - like clockwork - that's me now.  You're welcome for the visual.  Everything seems to be going right through and not in a pleasant way.

That's when I DO eat because I'm pretty queasy most of the time and eating makes me actually feel worse so I'm not eating much.  I keep tricking myself into thinking that maybe I'll feel BETTER if I eat - but, no, it doesn't seem to work that way.  I had a doctor appointment today and I've lost 5 pounds in 7 days.  I can't say that I recommend this diet though.

Another new symptom is that my scalp just itches and hurts!  I still have all of my hair (on borrowed time I'm sure) but my head is itchy and also very sensitive.  I've heard of people that just shave their heads as soon as they have chemo but I can't do that.  I want to make sure it's actually going to fall out before I do that - because it would be just my luck to shave my head to have it all grow right back unaffected by the chemo.  I would be the idiot walking around with a bald head when my hair wasn't going to fall out in the first place!  So, I plan on making very sure that my hair IS falling out before I do anything drastic.

New Haircuts!
However, my husband is confident enough that my hair is going to fall out that he came home bald today.  He had his head shaved on the way home.  It's a pretty good look for him.  I fear it's not going to be as attractive on me. We took the kids to get haircuts tonight so they don't look like total ragamuffins when they start school.  We tried to convince them that they should also shave their heads in solidarity for Mom losing her hair but they were adamant about not participating.  7 and 10 year olds are really attached to their hair apparently - who knew?

If I had a wish right now, first I would also wish that I didn't have breast cancer - but then I would wish that my 7 year old didn't know so young that wishes don't always come true.


Hair Report:  Still There but Itchy!

1 comment:

  1. Oh Laura. *sniffle* That is such a hard thing about going through this. You're still Mom and you still want to make the world the way it ought to be for your kiddos and sometimes you just can't. You're right -- at 7 a boy should just be able to believe that life is secure.

    Sometimes survival mode is as good as it gets. One (mostly?) down, two to go, huh? You can stand anything for a couple of weeks, right?

    Hugs to you, my friend.