Monday, August 29, 2011

The Misery

Chemo Day #4.  It's been a long miserable day.  I've been in and out of "consciousness" the entire day.  I spent most of the day in bed.  I was able to watch some TV, but mostly, I just want to lay in bed and let time pass by. Everything hurts and aches and more symptoms keep popping up all the time.  My eyes are bloodshot, it feels like my skin is crawling and the headaches are still ever-present.

I tried to stop taking my nausea medication today since I've been feeling okay, but it didn't last long.  After I ate dinner, I felt really sick so I took all 3 nausea medications and that helped, thank goodness.  I didn't throw up, I just got to the point of laying in bed praying to not throw up.  But then the medicine kicked in and I was okay again.

I can't believe that I have to get THIS sick to get better!  4 days ago when I walked in the Cancer Center to get hooked up for chemo, I felt almost back to my normal self - almost healthy!  And look at me now.  I'm sick and miserable.  And every ache and pain reminds me that this is just the beginning of the journey and I have a long way to go before I'm well again.  And I only have THREE more rounds to go through - some people go through twice that much!

How do we do it?  How is the will to live so strong that we'll make ourselves deathly ill for more time?  I don't know how - but it is.  I have absolutely no intention of giving up easily or giving in.  I will prevail!

Everyone is taking very good care of me.  My children are doting and helpful and give me massages and bring me water and the puppy to cuddle with.  They ask how I'm feeling and they lay in bed with me holding my hand.  My husband is caring and helpful and worries.  He lays beside me holding my arm and my hand until he gets kicked out for falling asleep and snoring, thus disturbing my peaceful coma.

I'm not really one to lay around and it's driving me crazy.  There is so much I'd rather be doing but I just can't.  I just have to keep perspective and remember that losing these days/months to chemo means that I will live to see and enjoy many MORE days and months in the years to come.

Okay, Day #5, I'm ready for ya!


Hair Report: No Change


  1. Hugs to you, Laura. It's so miserable. Thank goodness your medications are at least helping a bit. I hope that in some way you can feel all the prayers and good thoughts and well wishes coming your way and that they help give you the strength to just ... hang in there. You've already got my personal favorite source of strength (snuggles from kiddos). Just know we're all thinking of you.

  2. Hope you feel better and I will give you a foot massage any time. (Except for when i am sleeping.) :)Kyra

  3. I hate cancer! Stay ahead of that nausea! It may be difficult to stop it once it starts. Did I say I hate cancer. My mother was just diagnosed with stage 1 breast cancer. Crap.

  4. Laura... you are my hero! :)