Wednesday, August 31, 2011

I Don't Look Sick

Today is the first day where I felt somewhat normal.  I still have some pesky side effects and my hair is on borrowed time, but I mostly feel "okay."  It occurred to me, though, that I only have a few more days of not "looking" sick.

I do not have THIS hat!  Darn!
I think that once I lose my hair, it'll be pretty obvious that something is going on.  I'll be wearing my cute hat hoard of course, but I'm sure it'll still be pretty obvious that I don't have hair.  And it's not like hats are all that common here like they are in Jolly Ole England!  And it's not like I typically wear hats so people that "know" me will know something is up.

I'm not ready for the prying questions from strangers.  Or maybe it's not the questions I'm worried about as much as the unsolicited advice.  Like I've said before, everyone and their pet stylist has some advice about how I should manage my life, my health and my cancer.  I don't even like hearing it much from people I know - but I suspect it will be intolerable from people I don't know.

However, it might be nice if some people who DO know actually begin to acknowledge I have cancer.  Because I know a lot of people know and never say anything to me.  I find this strange in a way.  Before all this happened to me, I guess I wouldn't have known what to say to someone who has cancer to bring up the subject - but I think saying nothing is worse.  People just look at me sadly and make small talk and I want to scream, "Yes!  I have breast cancer!  You can talk about it!  Really!!!"  It's maddening.  Because I'm not going to be the one to bring it up, "Oh gee, yes nice weather, did you hear I have cancer?"  It'd just be nice if someone would say, "I hear you are having some health problems, let me know if I can do anything to help you!  You are in my thoughts."  That leaves it open for discussion or not.  Most times, I'll tell anyone anything - I don't mind.  I'm not overly private at this point.  Heck, I dedicated a blog to my boobs - what more do I have to keep secret?!

Once I lose my hair, it'll definitely be "in your face."  No more ignoring it.  A baldy walking around, even with a hat on, is pretty glaring.  I can't decide if it'll be freeing to "look sick" or not.  I won't be able to choose who knows anymore because everyone will know if they don't already.

But then, part of me is glad to get some recognition for all my misery.  I'm twisted that way.

Boob Count: 124



1 comment:

  1. I like your suggestion for what is appropriate or nice for people to say. Sometimes I think people are so afraid of saying the wrong thing.