Sunday, June 19, 2011

BOOBS! What Are They Good For?!

Remember Flashdance?
It was pointed out to me yesterday (Hi Julie!) that a person doesn't look at her boobs all that much.  I have to agree.  I didn't spend a whole lot of time looking at my boobs before I got breast cancer.  They were just there.  I strapped on the bra device every morning and then lugged these things around all day.  There are days I couldn't wait to get home and rid myself of the bra - I even learned that cool trick like the girl in Flashdance where you can take off your bra with your shirt still on.  I'm just that talented.  Then, once a month, I'd sort of half-heartedly do a breast exam, poke around a bit here and there.  I had a hard time feeling the lump even after the doctor showed me exactly where it was!  I guess that's why he's the professional...

Beyond breastfeeding, boobs are really more of a nuisance than anything.  They are kind of heavy and they get in the way.  They aren't good for much (I hear men around the world disagreeing).  I will admit that sometimes a plate can fit nicely on them when you eat dinner on the couch.  But, beyond that, they really are a lot of trouble.  My husband suggested that I'll probably feel a lot better without carrying these things around all the time.  When he first told me this (right after I found out that a mastectomy was recommended), I was a bit offended!  How could he suggest I'd feel BETTER after losing my breasts!  But, as I've come to terms with it more, I've realized that he could be right.  (Oh boy, I'll never hear the end of that - yes, my husband *might* be right).  I guess my back, shoulders and neck do hurt a lot.  But, when they are part of you, you just deal with it, it doesn't really occur to most women that maybe you'd be better off without them...

Pam Anderson
I started out my adult life with a perfect C cup and now, after two pregnancies, two kids, weight losses and gains and 41 years...well, let's just say I'm no cute C cup anymore!  If things get any bigger, I'm going to need a bra that looks like a wheelbarrow.  The surgeon told me that there's no way that they'd be able to make me the size I am now.  Well...he explained, there IS a way - you can have TWO implants!  TWO!  But, no reputable plastic surgeon would do that.  Oh darn.  I so wanted to replicate the Pam Anderson look.  Seriously though, I ASSURED him that them being much smaller was FINE!  No problem AT ALL!  Please!

I've gone from the breast envy I had when I first found out I'd be losing my breasts to breast comparisons instead.  Now I'm looking at everyone's breasts (oh yes, I'm still looking!) and wondering what size they are? I need to know what size to choose!  Isn't that crazy?  I'm going to CHOOSE my boob size?!  Haha!  How cool is that!  I mean, I had to win the cancer lottery to get this choice so I wouldn't recommend it - but since I'm here, it's kind of exciting to get to choose exactly what I want.  I'm like a kid in a candy store...uh, except, I guess it's a boobie store.  Wow, that sounds really demented and wrong.

It's too bad that my new amazing perky boobs have to reside on the rest of my 41 year old body.  They deserve so much better!

Boob Count = 78


  1. I would choose to have breasts the size of Julia Roberts or Jennifer Aniston. Stupid autocorrect changed breasts to brewers but I caught it! Anyway, a full B or small C would be ideal I think!

  2. Since Greg "might be right", does he get a vote?

  3. Oh no Don, it doesn't work that way! You should know that - silly man! ;)