Thursday, June 2, 2011

Everyone is an Expert

When people find out that you have *something* - breast cancer in this case, suddenly everyone has an opinion as to what you should do.  Especially, I've noticed, people who've never had cancer.  They have the most opinions.  All of a sudden, people who couldn't find their way out of paper bag have a doctorate.

In the 8 days since I found out, I've been told that I'm doing multiple things "wrong" in regards to my care and treatment.  And my care and treatment hasn't even really STARTED yet - but, apparently, I'm still doing it wrong.  I shouldn't believe the doctors, the geneticist is a quack, I really should do XYZ instead of ABC.  I have an overwhelming urge to strangle people on a daily basis.  Please?  Just one a day?  Come on!!!

I'm getting some great advice from people that have lived with cancer, great support and knowledge from people who actually know something about cancer and a lot of support and love from people that are just wanting to be "there" for me, emotionally and otherwise.  98% of people have been so awesome.  I don't mind when someone says they don't know what to say but they are there to listen or help however they can - that's awesome!  It's that other 2% that is going to drive me to drink!

I don't care if your aunt's hair stylist's dog had cancer and is fine now because the dog had acupuncture and it WORKED!!  (This is usually followed by how the dog is DEAD now, but not from cancer!)  Ugh.  Let me educate all of the readers right now - please don't end your uplifting "My Cousin Beat Cancer Story" by saying they are dead now!  That's just really not helpful.

Even the Breast Cancer book I was given by the Breast Center has a list of women who have beaten breast cancer, it's really motivating until you see the name "Elizabeth Edwards."  Uh, didn't she DIE of cancer?!  Might be time to print a new edition there people!  In the meantime, I just took a Sharpie and crossed her name out - it seemed like a totally reasonable thing to do.  (Alright, that's a lie.  I don't write in books.  Teachers hate people who write in books - it's wrong!  But, I thought about it!  I stood poised with my Sharpie in hand and I *almost* did it - so close.  But then I thought about how Sharpie bleeds through to the other side of the page and that really bugs me.  And if I did cross it out and I did it crooked, that would drive me crazy.  Upon reflection, it's possible I have bigger problems than breast cancer...)

Let's not forget (since I'm ranting anyway) about those people who tell you to not believe everything you read on the internet.  I am so disappointed and shocked by this revelation!  Do you mean that the breast cancer cure I found on the internet where you wear foil on your head and dance naked in the snow doesn't work?  Well, hmph!  I'm doing it anyway!  It can't hurt...except for the frostbite, I guess.  But, heck, lose a toe, save a BOOB!  That's my philosophy!

Boob Count = 27


  1. Does the title of the blog count for the boob count? Because it posts at the top of EVERY entry.

    And while I'm happy to just be here for you to scream, cry, laugh, or sit in total silence and listen to the wind whistle through the trees.... I'd MUCH rather be armed with some magical light saber and just get rid of those lumps for you. HEY! we can come up with a new treatment!!! I'll go start a wikipedia page for it and we'll be official!

  2. OMG, a lightsaber treatment?! I love it, no bleeding and it's a double mastectomy all in one! And the wiki page....genius! Everyone would go to you for the miracle cure! Are you prepared to sell it for 19.99? BUT WAIT...for the next 7 minutes, you'll have to double that offer! 2 for the price of one!

    Laura, we love you an support you from this end. If your kids ever need to talk to BC kids, feel free to send them my way as always. If not, no hard feelings.

    Have you tried where you pee in the wind and let it hit the boobs?....I heard that somewhere...

  3. Laura, your sense of humor will get you through. And I do love the unsolicited advice, too. But what I mostly want to know is where you found the photo of the dog with the acupuncture needles.


  4. Beth, I found it on Google! LOL Hilarious huh?! I took the Lego one with foil myself, but I'm sure you were able to spot my photography skills from a mile away. ;)

    Renee ~ Keep working on that... :p

  5. I am a survivor. No advice. You are not alone... And it gets less scary, I promise. Also, when some recommended the asparagus diet, I told them I preferred the red wine diet cure. They got the hint. (By-the-way, I was diagnosed two years ago. Joy broke the news to me and my husband (she is a saint). I had a bilateral mastectomy in June 2009, lymph dissection in July, chemotherapy September to November, and am now planning my reconstructive surgery. It was scary and I don't like the color pink... Never did and still don't. I knew what I needed to do and so do you. Most of us in the sisterhood do. If you want support you may contact me through Kris or at my email